Today on The Startup Chat, Steli and Hiten talk about a very interesting topic, and that is “what people really think about you”. As human beings, it’s natural for us to be curious about other people’s opinion about us, and knowing this can be quite beneficial to us, especially in a working environment. One way you can find out this information is by actually asking for feedback from others. However, this can be very challenging for some of us. In this episode, Steli and Hiten talk about self-awareness and the importance of feedback and why it’s important to provide it and seek it and much more. Time Stamped Show Notes: 00:28 Steli talks about why he chose today’s topic. 04:37 Hiten shares an experience he had with a co-founder and his opinions on the subject. 07:07 Steli points out that people who tend to have strong personality tend to be the sweetest people. 08:46 Steli give an example of how our lives can be impacted by people’s opinions of us. 11:35 How to find a balance between caring and not caring what people think about you. 12:22 How you can get feedback about yourself. 13:12 Why being obsessed with people’s opinion is not a good thing. 14:37 One of the reasons people might not give you their honest opinions about you. 14:50 Why listening to people’s opinion is sometimes necessary. 15:26 Ask them because you want to understand their perception of yourself. Quotes: The way people perceive us impacts our life whether we know it or not. People tend to assume that everyone thinks like they do. It’s unhealthy to imagine a perception of yourself that’s not true. [0:00:00] Steli Efti: Hey everybody, this is Steli Efti. [0:00:03] Hiten Shah: And this is Hiten Shah, and on today’s episode of the Startup Chat, we’re going to talk about this kind of loose topic, that I’m sure we’ll get into an interesting discussion, but it’s something we all deal with, which is what people really think about you. And I’m going to call you out Steli first by asking you why you picked this topic for today because you picked it. [0:00:26] Steli Efti: Yep. [0:00:26] Hiten Shah: I just get to announce it, I guess. [0:00:28] Steli Efti: Yes. So, here’s the background story. A good friend of mine, he recently had this experience where he was given some very kind of honest and harsh feedback about himself. So, he joined a startup with a bunch of other friends of mine that he was friendly with before and then he decided they recruited him and they decided to join them and work with them. And at some point, they had like a feedback round and they told him that at times, he can be very very harsh and very hard to people. And that to him, was like an earth-shattering … At first, he didn’t believe it. All right, so at first he was like, “You know, I’ve lived my entire life. I’ve gathered a lifetime of perception of who I am or what people think of me.” And this thing, apparently, that him very hard harsh and hard on people, that was something that was completely outside his worldview about himself, and everything that he let through his filter. So, he went to his roommate and one of these best friends and told them about the feedback that he just got and was like, “Is this really true?” And his roommate friend was like, “Abso-fucking-lutely. Are you crazy? Of course, this is true.” And that blew his mind. And he was talking to me just recently about this, was telling me he was like, “This is like … This is really fucking with my self-perception, like and my self-awareness and my like thinking maybe I don’t know who I am and what people really think about me because this is something I was completely unaware of.” And we were talking about this a little bit and I told him, “Listen.” And he had done a bunch of stuff he … We can get into this a little bit later, but he actually he went through the trouble of creating this really elaborate like survey about himself, right? And sending it to tons of people like ex-co-workers, bosses, friends, family members in a quest to learn more about himself. But, one of the things that I told him, you know, once a year myself and bunch of friends go on a sailing trip for a few days in the Mediterranean and they’re all entrepreneurs and he’s been on that trip from year one. And I told him, “Listen you’re not unique in this, like think about … Let me ask you this, think about all these like the group of ten good friends where we go sailing for a whole week and we have all these really deep discussions, and we’re so honest, and we’re so open about each other, and about our ideas in businesses, and all that. Let me ask you, do you have certain opinions about certain people on this boat that they would be surprised or shocked if they learned that you had those kind of judgments, or opinions about them?” And he started laughing. He was like, “Yeah.” I’m like, “It’s exactly the same thing about you, and about me, and about everybody.” There’s things people think about us that they might be telling us. Now, it’s different and we’re going to get into this in the discussion, that’s why I wanted to talk about you with this. It’s different with him more interesting in his case because he heard something about himself that I think is pretty obvious that he was so shocked about, so there’s something interesting there. Why did he, you know, live 35 years of his life not learning this about himself? But, it made me think about all the people I interact with, even friends at times, that you know, some of them I’m brutally honest with about everything. Some of them I’m editing myself at times, you know, for various reasons, and it made me think of like people don’t really know what the perception of them is that other people have, and what people really think about them. And I thought it’d be a … It’s one of these interesting topics you never read about, you never hear about a lot, so I thought it’s the perfect topic of the two of us to work with and to brainstorm a little bit around. So, yeah. That’s the genius of why I wanted to talk to you about this. [0:04:24] Hiten Shah: Yeah. I mean, on one hand I’m like, super interesting story. I had an experience very similar with a close friend of mine and his co-founder. The co-founder was the one who kind of was this person who didn’t realize how they are, and how they’re previewed by other people, so what do people really think about me is such a great question to ask yourself. At the same time, I almost want to say like, “Who cares.” You know? And what’s interesting is that this person never thought about that question, it seems like, and they were in the full-on camp of, who cares. Right, whether they knew it or not. They were in the camp of like, “Well, I’m just this way.” And what I’ve seen and heard from people who have this sort of realization or either shaken up or like can’t actually grok it, which is actually more commonly the case that I’ve seen, is that they assume that everyone else thinks like they do. So, your friend likely isn’t trying to be abrasive. He’s just like, “Oh, yeah you know, when I talk. I’m just direct because everyone likes it direct.” Because if you talk to me you should be direct with me and things like that. That’s like the most common thing I hear. And like, this is like probably one … There’s an ambulance coming by, great. This is a … Well there you go, someone’s dying. Their ego’s dying. So, I think that there are … The people that I meet that are like this are just not conscious to the fact that we all, as humans, are different. There’s another one. That ones a firetruck. [0:06:13] Steli Efti: Now, there’s really something going down in your neighborhood, right? [0:06:16] Hiten Shah: Yeah. Yeah. And so, I don’t know. I mean for me, I feel like that type of person is actually not the majority. It’s probably like 20, 30% of people that somehow have found a way to just live their lives and no one’s been willing to tell them how they make them feel, and it’s ...